To Make Up for It

 Maybe it's because my brain is literally more developed than when I started high school, but I really think I ought to have done things differently during my time at Troy High. However, it's also the real, tangible experiences I had along the way that make me realize I needed those awkward moments, stupid mistakes, and inconsiderate moves to learn. I learned plenty. 

Like the time I decided it'd be really smart to play the violin in the commons during lunch. I think I'll never live that down. Or maybe the time I was on the hockey team for a month. It was fun, but I learned how to play the sport during my first game. That wasn't fun. Very embarrassing, actually. I'm going to regret publishing this later, but 1) it is currently 11:34 P.M. so I don't care because 2) right now, I think it's funny.

Even though it's embarrassing to think about, I know now that those kinds of situations could be handled differently in the future. This kind of mindset doesn't just apply to embarrassing freshman moments. It applies to how I'd get so incredibly stressed over schoolwork because I thought that every assignment was the deciding factor as to whether or not I'd get into a good college. It applies to how I never had confidence in any of my abilities. It applies to how I look at myself, in every perspective of my being. I see a well-rounded person blooming and becoming whole. Looking back at how I was when I entered Troy High, it leaves me feeling content. I've come a long way already, and I can't wait to see where I go next. This time, though, I'll let life take me wherever it wants. I want to see what's in store for me because I also know something else I regretted doing when I was a freshman: I closed myself off.

But that was because I never thought I'd get applauded during class discussions because of my ideas, like the way I perceive the concept of fate. I never thought I'd get congratulated for my achievements in Chinese class, like when I won the Great Lakes China Quiz Bowl first prize. After missing so much school, I never thought people would recognize and respect how hard it was to get back up and keep my school-related performance as high as I could. 

Most of all, I never thought my efforts were worth something until I actually put them out into the world. Now that I've tried it out, I know what else I want to put out there. This time around, I don't want to wait for others to validate my ideas. I know they're worth something. 

I know they're worth something. How nice is that?